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Nintendo has been publishing Pokémon games for over a decade and is still wildly celebrated. There are even popular sites dedicated to competing with these imaginative monsters, such as Serebii, Marriland, and Bulbagarden. Besides a devoted and competitive fanbase, Pokémon media has appealed to casual players of all ages, guiding them to spend hours training their beloved monsters, ready to challenge the Elite 4 and become what they had always dreamed of becoming... a Pokémon master.
Pokémon has always seemed, at a superficial glance, innocuous enough, and while past accusations of the game being Satanic are clearly buffoonery, there is a secret, darker side to Nintendo's cute and cuddly franchise that one becomes aware of only when intently studying these monsters.
Trolling has long been a pastime of bored internet users, and who's to say this hobby does not extend to bored game developers? Nintendo may have produced your favorite video game, anime series, card game, and manga, but you must put down your Game Boys, Color or otherwise, turn off your televisions, color or otherwise, cease shuffling your cards, shiny or otherwise, and stop immersing yourself in manga to face the truth: they are trolling you. Nintendo's trolling is, at times, as subtle as a white man in a snow storm, a truly perfected art. In order to serve our fellow man we have compiled a list of Nintendo's most hilarious and absurd attempts at mercilessly trolling their loyal fan base.
Top 10 Trolls
#10 - Farfetch'd
Farfetch'd was first introduced in the RBY generation, and his existence has never had any purpose but to infuriate players. The first time you saw Farfetch'd was when you gave up your beloved Spearow in Vermillion City, and ended up with a spastic of a bird in return, complete with a monobrow and the ridiculous nickname 'DUX'. You swiftly boxed this useless bird and forgot about him, never to see his ugly beak again. Or so you thought. Years later, when navigating through Ilex Forest, you needed the crucial HM01, Cut. But it has been stolen. Guess who stole it and refuses to give it back unless you chase him through a Zubat-ridden forest? Yeah, Farfetch'd. Farfetch'd's trolling CV is already long enough to get him a GameFAQs membership, and this is without going into detail of his life as a thief in the animé or the fact he was born holding a stick, defying every rule of nature to ever exist.
#09 - Wobbuffet
Possibly the most obvious troll in the history of Pokémon, Wobbuffet does nothing to hide his intentions. From his permanent expression of bafflement to his movepool designed only to infuriate, Wobbuffet is a troll through and through. When you mix the enraging ability Shadow Tag with Wobbuffet's very limited, yet somehow very precise, move pool you have a Pokémon who is near uncounterable. Now throw in a cry that sounds like a Down's syndrome sufferer falling out of a window and you have a perfect troll. Oh, and his tail has eyes. Why? Wobbuffet rarely ever uses his main eyes, what could he possibly do with tail-eyes?
#08 - Jigglypuff
Jigglypuff never did anything of note in the Pokémon games. The animé was where she truly made her name as a world-class troll. Jigglypuff knows full well that her music puts people to sleep, yet she insists on reacting with (feigned?) fury whenever her audience begins to slumber. This fury is then followed up with Jigglypuff using her marker pen, disguised as a microphone, to vandalize the sleeping faces of her victims. Why does Jigglypuff carry around a marker pen? She knows people are going to fall asleep, and she loves it.
#07 - Magikarp
Nintendo went out of their way to show Magikarp as a wholly useless Pokémon, and as a result, he is met with eternal ridicule. Magikarp even trolls gamers through no fault of his own, via the shady Magikarp salesman in that Pokémon centre outside Mt. Moon. Magikarp is unable (or doesn't want to?) learn TMs, something every other Pokémon, even the new bullshit like Mothim, can do with ease. After living as gutter trash for 20 levels, Magikarp suddenly decides he's had enough. He then evolves in Gyarados, a true hurricane of a Pokémon, and continues to destroy anything he can see. This is the equivalent of a football player doing nothing for most of a game, then scoring a hat trick in two minutes. Magikarp had the strength all along, he just couldn't be fucked. What a troll.
#06 - Porygon
Porygon, the artifical duck, is a masterpiece of a troll. When the player first sees him at the Team Rocket Gamecorner he appears glamorous and exciting. Take note he cost 9999 credits, compare this to the 2800 credits for Dratini, who becomes the mighty Dragonite. You spend hours gathering enough of whatever currency they use in Pokémon and exchange this into Gamecorner credits and finally buy your Porygon. Then you realise he sucks. He knows a couple of useless moves for changing his type, but who cares about that. You want to hack computers with your artificial duck, not transform into a ground type and get killed by Bubblebeam. Whilst impressive, Porygon's trolling in-game compares nothing to his animé escapades. In the episode Electric Soldier Porygon this Pokémon killed people in real life. The very sight of Porygon threw kids all over Japan into seizures, causing Electric Soldier Porygon to be banned. When it comes to trolling, Porygon does not fuck around.
#05 - MissingNo
How do you pronounce MissingNo? Technically it is Missing No, but I always say Missingo (rhymes with Flamingo). Anyway, MissingNo is widely considered an accident, a glitch, an error on Game Freak's part. This isn't true. MissingNo is included in the game purely to destroy the players hard work. MissingNo's mysterious sprite is the last thing you will see before having to restart at Pallet town. Also MissingNo learned Water Gun, making him a perfect Charmeleon counter.
#04 - Snorlax
Snorlax has always displayed himself as fat, slow, and lazy, which is fair enough. He's just working with the hand Game Freak dealt him. But the truth is, Snorlax is just using these traits as excuses, excuses to lie in front of you, blocking progress in the game, until you find some strange, obscure flute. Why, of all the pixels in Kanto, does Snorlax pick the ones right in front of the paths to Fuschia City? He knows that's where you're going. He is trolling you. Snorlax isn't even slow, he's shown time and time again in the animé that he can run with amazing speed when motivated by food. He even Surfed from island to island, eating enough food to last a year. Snorlax's one weakness makes his trolling transparent.
#03 - Sudowoodo
Sudowoodo takes on a unique form of trolling. He poses as a tree, which for some reason encourages trainers to approach and then water him. When they least expect it, Sudowoodo bursts to life and attacks, using a wide variety of moves, such as Rock Throw and Low Kick. Sudowoodo actively trolled every single GSC gamer, apart from those who couldn't beat Whitney's Miltank. He blocked their paths, preventing crucial entry into Ecruteak city, home of the Rhydon guy. Sudowoodo also trolled in the animé, and had an entire episode dedicated to his foolishness.
#02 - Haunter
Haunter, the second son in the Gastly line, is from a prestigious family of trolls. He even surpasses his evolution Gengar at trolling, as evidenced by the fact Haunter spends 100% of his on-screen time in the animé taunting and teasing people. And licking them. In-game Haunter takes a more backseat role in the trolling business, but he immediately hinders the gamer. To even see Haunter you need to find a Silph Scope in the very heart of Team Rocket's base, the home of Meowth, another superb troll who unfortunately did not make this list. Haunter also takes his trolling into a whole new media, the Pokémon TCG. Despite being a weak and frail Pokémon, Haunter somehow had the capabilities to stall entire teams, effectively trolling anyone who ever played the Pokémon TCG.
#01 - Electrode
And finally we have Nintendo's magnum opus of trolling, Electrode. Electrode's sole purpose in life is to forcefully inflict destruction upon others, and he loves it. Electrodes will sit in the Power Plant and wait for an infinite amount of time, until you chance upon them and mistake them for a Poké Ball. Electrode's very appearance is designed to fool and infuriate the player. He was born to troll. After engaging this 'Poké Ball' in battle, Electrode wastes no time in Exploding. Electrode actively pretends to be a helpful item, fights you, then explodes in your face, killing himself. And he does all this whilst wearing his trademark manic grin. That is dedication. Dedication to one's art.
Original article from Smogon Universtity Link
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Step 14: Your suit soon become colorized.
Step 15: The time has finally come. Now, roll off and Fight!
(Sekai no hakaisha Dikeido)
Destroyer of the world, Decade
(Subeto wo hakaisuru, subete wo tsunage)
Destroy everything, connect everything